Today my coworker walked into my office and asked me, "So you're 30 weeks already?!" I excitedly responded yes, but with the stomach turning feeling that I had no idea what would be happening to me in 10 short weeks. What started as a one-on-one conversation became a mommy gathering in my office with stories from each mother. Some had C-sections and epidurals, others episiotomies, and one brave soul took no medication whatsoever with her 2 kids. As nurses they all agreed that as a nurse, there is a little more anxiety because of the fact that we actually know what's going on. When they call for certain things at the bedside (medications, instruments) or when they say something, we know whether to panic or not. I'm one of the lucky few to have my mom who is a labor & delivery nurse at my side so hopefully things go smoothly. At the end of our conversation, all they could tell me was, "Everyone is different".
All the emotions and thoughts during the last few weeks feel like a rollercoaster!!!
I feel nervous when: I think about how short 10 weeks really is. What will happen? Will there be complications? How bad is the pain? Will I get an episiotomy or C-section? Who will take care of her when I go back to work? Will I want to leave her? Will we be good parents?
I feel sad when: I think about how she will no longer be in my tummy everywhere I go. I think I'm really going to miss being pregnant! I know it's uncomfortable, but feeling her kicks, hiccups, and everything in between makes it so worth every uncomfortable moment. (And everyone spoils you!!)
I feel excited when: I look down at my belly when Francis crouches down to kiss her and all I can think of is how he is going to be an amazing father and how we are moving onto the next chapter in our lives. I just can't wait till we hold her in our arms.
I feel happy when: I look at my life and what it has become. I have a stable job that allows me to provide for my child, i've married an amazing man who supports EVERYTHING that I do, I have a wonderful family and friends who love me unconditionally, and Francis and I are expecting a beautiful, healthy baby girl that we once thought was almost impossible because of my complications. Life couldn't be better <3
69 more days...