Lucky

Ever since becoming a mother, I've noticed that I see things in such a different light. Seeing the Boston marathon bombing, watching parents anxiously awaiting for news regarding their children in a kindergarten shooting, all of it just makes my heart ache with sorrow for those who have lost their child. 

Today was not even close to those tragedies, but I know that if I had seen it 3 years ago, I wouldn't have given it a second thought. At Food4Less today, I was on my way out of the grocery store and saw a father, cashing out coins in the coinstar machine with his +/- 6 year old daughter asleep on a blanket inside a grocery cart that didn't belong to Food4Less. Now it's one thing to see a small baby or toddler asleep in a grocery cart with a nice clean blanket happily asleep while the parent is shopping. It's another to see an older child asleep on a dirty blanket, seemingly hungry, only sleeping in the cart because she had to. My heart broke at the thought of being that desperate. I could only imagine the feeling of not being able to provide for my kids. He didn't have a car to drive around, she needed to sleep, so he was doing whatever he could to provide without caring what anyone else thought. And although I was sad, I was happy to know that she had a father willing to do whatever it took for her. As I walked away, he smiled at me, then took a look at his daughter and smiled at her. 

I thought to myself, I am lucky. Lucky to have a wonderful family who would never let that happen to me or my kids. Lucky to have gone to school and become a nurse. Lucky to have a job that allows me to provide a roof over our heads and food on our table. Lucky to have a husband who would be willing to do what that father was doing if need be. Lucky to have two wonderful, beautiful, healthy children. Just lucky. 

Happy Anniversary to us

This past weekend, Francis and I decided to splurge and stay at the Grand Californian to celebrate our anniversary. During the date of our real anniversary, Francis was hard at work on Nylanor so we couldn't really celebrate much. On Friday, we booked the room, packed in the middle of the night and were on our way to Disneyland by morning.

I LOVED EVERY SECOND OF IT!

I've been missing Francis lately, especially since he's been taken away by work these past few months. So it was nice to have a getaway for the weekend. Not once did we have to worry about work calling us or what we had to do when we got back. For once, we were actually able to enjoy our vacation uninterrupted. And it was great!!!

To top it off, my sister, Kym, Alfred and Aidan were able to join us on Sunday. Alana tried to feed Aidan a few times but he just wasn't having it. Regardless, it was a memorable weekend filled with nothing but stress free family time...in Disneyland. It was heaven :)

I however, broke the screen on my phone and lost Francis' phone. Was still worth it to me. lol

Back to work

Today I went back to work and luckily it wasn't as bad as I had remembered it when I left the first time. I think it's because I knew what to expect, but moreover, I no longer have the long office hours that I used to have. As a home health nurse I'm more independent and able to do what I need to do and go home when my job is done. No micromanaging needed. However, the downfall to such independence is that there are times when I get delayed longer than expected and I don't get paid to do a good job.

Now there are nurses out there who could care less about their patients and are in and out within 15 minutes. Not to say that all of them are like that, but there are a select few. I am not one of those. I take my time with my patients, make sure I did a thorough job, go through all the steps and make sure that my patients feel secure before I leave. It's a blessing and a curse to be a home health owner. I can't just leave things undone.

But at the end of the day, I'm happy with the work I've done, I love my job and it makes me happy to come home knowing that my family would be proud of the work that I've done. So all in all, not a bad first day :)

2 years

Today marked our 2 year anniversary and I couldn't be happier. Looking back on these past 2 years together has been nothing short of a rollercoaster but I wouldn't take it back for anything. With 2 beautiful girls, a home to call our own, a marriage that will last a million lifetimes, good health, family and friends by our side, life couldn't be sweeter. 

I still can't believe that it has been 2 years since we've been married. I can still remember the feeling of walking down that aisle, baby on the way, with the song "If I Never Knew You" playing in the background. Now I understand why so many people cry at weddings. It reminds them of their own! Since getting married, I can't go to a wedding without replaying my own in my head and wishing we could relive that moment again. But I snap back into reality and remember all the wonderful things that have happened since and remember to live in the moment. 

To my wonderful, supportive, understanding, patient, loving husband Francis, I love you so very much and look forward to spending the rest of my life with you. I can't wait for what the future holds, as long as it's with you. 

Last Days

Sadly, my time with my kids has almost come to an end. These past 4 months have been so wonderful it almost makes me want to have another kid. I SAID ALMOST!!!! Don't worry, we won't be having another baby anytime soon. I'm just going to miss all this time with my babies.

It's been such a happy time for me because I've gotten to watch all of Peyton's firsts while still being there for Alana's. I was able to see her wean off her bottle, walk, learn everything about our new house, run, talk, play games on my iPad and big and little thing in between. I know you moms can relate when I talk about how heartbreaking it is to leave your kids to go to work, only to find that they've hit a huge milestone and you weren't there to see it. I know I can't be there for everything, but when I think about the fact that I only have 1 1/2 years before Alana will go to preschool, I realize how little time I have left for just us. Soon she'll be making friends and won't want to be attached to my hip. I love the way she takes a few brave steps away from me but always looks back at me to make sure I'm not far behind. I'm still happy that I still have a little more time with Peyton to enjoy these things, but I know that too will pass. I got to hear Peyton's first laugh, see the first time she rolled over and held her while she learned to hold her head up. All things that Francis sadly missed because he was at work and I'm going to hate missing the milestones to come. Oh how I wish I was a stay-at-home mom, but unfortunately I'm not. So I try to enjoy every moment, every second that I have with them. It's so precious. I would pay anything to stay in these moments forever.

So until the dreaded first day back at work, I will cherish every second that I have with them because it goes by too fast. They're only 3 and 19 months, but they don't have to be old for me to understand how time flies.

Motherhood is amazing!!!!

This girl is on Fire

It's been a while since I've had a break from the kids and although I'm cherishing every moment with them, the Alicia Keys Concert was definitely worth it. Yes, I love Alicia Keys, her music and her lyrics, but it wasn't really that. The people that came with me were what made this concert so awesome!

Monica, Jason, Michelle, Kimmy and Jackie: Thank you so much for joining me! I enjoyed every second and felt every word because you guys were with me. Whenever I hear "Brand New Me" it will remind me of this concert and you guys. Special shout out to Jackie for coming last minute and for my awesome concert booklet!!! I'll treasure it! Sadly Francis had to cancel last minute because he had to work.

"This Girl Is On Fire...." (listening to Alicia Keys music while writing this)

3 and 19

Today my daughters are 3 months and 19 months and I can't believe how quickly time is passing! Alana is almost 2!!!! Where has the time gone?

Below is the very first picture that I have ever taken where my kids actually look alike! But if you look at them separately you would swear that they weren't sisters. Anyway, in about a month I will be going back to work and believe me when I say that I am not looking forward to it one bit. If it's anything like when I first when back to work after Alana, I'll be balling my eyes out all day. But I gotta do what I gotta do, right? But until then, I will enjoy my precious time with my kids while I have it. Ahhh how I live the good life!

Physical therapy

So since my C-section, my back hasn't been the same. The pain started to get pretty strong so my doctor suggested that I attend physical therapy. I guess it wasn't what I really expected. They walked me through a few quick stretches, slapped a TENS machine on me for 15 minutes, then sent me on my way. To top it off, for the rest of the day I just kept feeling like that machine was shocking me for the rest of the day. But, I don't want to just brush it off because there's a reason why physical therapy exists. So I'll give it another shot next week. Hopefully it proves to be better than this last visit. Anything to get rid of this back pain so I can play with my girls.

Trip to the doctor

It's been long overdue, but finally Francis and I had our physicals done. Nowadays I really appreciate going to the doctor and I can only hope that the results of our labwork come out good.

I think so many times, people our age really take advantage of our health and I can't say that I don't fall into that as well. I haven't REALLY exercised in ages, I ate bad during my pregnancy and I don't take care of my back. That being said, I had a long list of complaints for my doctor today and realized how poorly I'm taking care of myself. As a nurse I know better, but as everyone knows, we make the worst patients! Now, I have to take pain medication for my back, have to go to physical therapy and I feel I will likely ask for an X-Ray on my back quite soon. So much for my nursing knowledge!

Daddy's Birthday

This year, Rees so sweetly planned Francis birthday and if you know Posse, you know what I'm about to tell you. If not, refer to picture below.

We started off the night with a potluck of food at our house which included spaghetti, pizza, hummus, shrimp cocktail, chicken, chinese food and a bunch of other foods I forget at the moment (All which probably ended up in the lovely trash can pictured below).

Anyway, Francis has been nothing short of amazing, making sure that he does everything he can to secure the bright future of our family and for that I'm truly grateful to have such a dedicated husband. He goes to work early in the morning, (traffic to and from), only to come home to girls that miss him to work in the garage until 1am. So he definintely deserved the celebration he received today if not more.

Francis, thank you for being so awesome. It helps to know that I have such a wonderful partner at my side to raise our two beautiful daughters with. I LOVE YOU!!!

A Simple Valentine's Day

For the past few months, Francis has been hard at work on a website for one of our dearest friends and I barely get to see him. So it's no surprise that Francis had to work AGAIN today and so we had a really simple dinner. I cooked while he worked and he took a quick break to eat. These days it's really hard to find time to spend together. With 2 kids that are always demanding of our time, Francis' work schedule and businesses to run, it's a surprise if we get a conversation in without an interruption. But it's all worth it! But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a bit apprehensive about starting work in April.

Matchy-Matchy

When I found out I was having another girl, never did I think that I would be one of those parents to make my kids match. As a kid, my parents used to make me and one of my friends match clothes and I hated it. They always thought it was adorable but I was so much bigger than her so it made me feel huge even though she was older than me. That being said, a bunch of people decided to give us matching outfits for the babies for Christmas and they both finally fit into them. So yes, I made my baby girls all matchy-matchy. Don't judge me! It was adorable. See for yourself!

Sorry kids, I love you, but this was just too cute to pass up. 

Eyes of love

I've read a lot about baby bonding and how some mothers feel it right away and for others it takes a while. For me, I wouldn't say that I didn't feel a bond with my kids but for each, there was that one moment a few weeks after they were born when they just stared into my eyes as I was feeding them and I knew that they understood I was their Mommy and they love me as much as I love them. It's the most heartwarming, overwhelming feeling of love that only a few get to experience and I'm lucky to be one of them. Today my beautiful Peyton gave me that look for the first time and I can't wait for more. Alana has given me that look a million times and I'm afraid that when she learns how to talk that looks will cease. So for now I'll appreciate the silent looks of love that my children give to me. It's the most precious thing in the world.

One month in

I know, it's not exactly a month since Peyton was born but, regardless, I just wanted to post my progress in raising two children.

I knew raising children would be difficult, but I didn't know exactly what to expect. Alana is now walking, almost running at times and having a running toddler and a newborn is just crazy! Peyton is steadily gaining weight and I always say that she is definitely catching up for missed time incubating in my belly. She's getting chubbier by the second.

Alana has finally learned that her little sister is no longer in my belly but outside. She kisses her, and only her on command. When we ask for kisses, she runs away, however ask her to kiss her sister and she's all over her. However, she's a bit heavy handed so we always have to watch her around Peyton.

So far, no jealousy as of yet, unless you count the heavy-handedness which I'm not quite sure of yet. I've read that older siblings will get aggressive if bored, hungry or tired, but as of right now it just seems like she doesn't know her own strength. Maybe I'm in denial but one thing is for sure, Alana loves her little sister and Peyton loves her right back.

Can't wait for what's in store in the coming months!

Mommy Mondays

Out of all of our closest friends, only one couple has kids and lately it's caused a huge strain on my relationships. I knew this was going to happen, but it still saddens me. People without children aren't exactly entertained by all the little details about raising children. They may seem amused for a few minutes but I'm sure it gets old after a while. And for me, I've pretty much been confined to the house for the past 2 months with the exception of the occasional doctor's visit and trip to the grocery store, so it's not like I have much else to talk about! I try to talk on the phone with some, have people stop by or have dinner here, but it gets daunting when I constantly get interrupted with diaper changes, feedings, crying and the constant need for attention from Alana. Now don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change a thing, but I wish I could just learn how to balance everything, but unfortunately, it takes a lot of learning, effort and patience. 

Thankfully Pam, the only other mommy of our group at the moment, has graciously offered to visit us every monday just to spend time with me and help me out. Her daughter Lily loves Alana and Alana definitely follows her around like a little sister so it works out perfectly. Our first "date" was this past monday and I couldn't have had a better time. The kids laughed, Alana was funny as usual and Pam and I were able to squeeze in some mommy time and catch up. After our time together, it made me feel a little bit better about managing my relationships. I just have to get a little creative and find other ways to spend time with people.

Thank you Pam for the few hours of talks and laughs. I look forward to more Mommy Mondays to come! Can't wait. Maybe next week or the following, RJ can meet us up at the house and I can cook for both our families. What do you think? 

(Sadly I forgot to take pictures of Lily and Alana playing. There's always next week!)

Thank you for visiting

Earlier today Francis' cousins visited us to welcome Peyton to the family. It's not often that we get to see the since they live in San Diego so it was nice to have them over for the day. I only wish that they lived closer to us so we could see each other more often. Hopefully we can start to take our kids on trips to SeaWorld and San Diego Zoo so we can spend more time with them.

Alana's not really used to sharing her toys so it was pretty funny to see her and her cousin Raynen fighting over them. By the end of the night they eventually learned how to share. You can see for yourself how cute they were below

A year of new beginnings

2012 has been nothing short of a rollercoaster for Francis and I, but I'm so thankful that I have had the privilege to experience it all. Both Francis and I started new jobs, we bought a new house and welcomed a beautiful baby girl all in one year!!!!!!

I look back on these past 2 years and realize that Francis and I have been through a lot within the past 2 years and I couldn't ask for a better person to be standing beside through this all. Raising kids and owning a house is not easy by any means and I honestly don't know how single mothers do it. I can barely manage these two with Francis right next to me, so I can't even imagine the struggle. I definitely have a new found respect for single mothers. 

This New Years was a little boring but regardless my growing family welcomed 2013 with open arms. It will be a year of firsts for Peyton and good times for us all.

Happy New Years everyone!!!!!